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04 Ağustos 2023, 12:55
'I'm done, it's over,' I think to myself as I'm throwing clothes into my suitcase. Sure, I am being selfish but for the past few years, I've been everything but selfish. Let me explain.
My wife and I have been together for nearly 15 years and we've built quite a life for ourselves. We live in a nice, quiet, suburban home. We are far enough out of town so that we do have privacy and a sizable yard. However, we are not so far off the beaten path that we have to drive miles upon miles to reach any of the conveniences that town has to offer. My 'commute,' if you'd even call it that, is about 25 minutes.
Biologically, we do not have any children together. We each have children from previous marriages, however. I have a son and a daughter. They are both grown and moved on. My wife has three children, all beautiful girls. Two of the three have moved on. The eldest married and lives out of the area. Her middle daughter, Samantha (Sam for short), recently graduated from college and still lives in the area. Sam recently moved in with her boyfriend. Her youngest daughter, Alexandra or Lexi as we call her, is 19 and just finished her second year of college. Lexi comes home during break and in the summer.
My wife (Jen) went into a 'funk' of sorts when Lexi went away to college. Among other things, it has been a bit over two years since my wife and I last 'made love,' had sex, fucked, or whatever you want to call it. This is not for my lack of trying. I've taken the romantic route, I've taken the direct route, I've hinted, I've tried to set the mood.
From my standpoint, I don't get it. Sex between us used to be good, if not great. We would make love three, sometimes five times a week. Then, right around the time Lexi left for school the brakes simply locked up. I've tried talking about the sex, and I've shared my frustrations and my concerns with her. I've found it difficult, if not impossible to break through the sheet of ice that has formed around her. If I am fair, she's certainly suffering from an 'empty nest syndrome' of sorts.
I've asked Jen to seek therapy and I've even arranged for a session on her behalf. She is not receptive to therapy at all and simply believes that I just need to "deal with it."
When we talk, Jen quickly moves to drop the subject. I've told her on more than one occasion that this is something I could well leave over if we don't address or at least discuss this. At best, when she senses I'm getting closer to leaving, she will throw me what I call a 'sympathy hand job' in the most unenthusiastic way possible.
At first, she'd kiss me and 'allow' me access to her while she would take care of me with her hand. The intimacy downshifted over time. Recently, when it would happen, there was no touching or kissing. She'd pretty much throw her hand over and say, "Here it is, have at it" while sliding the rest of her further towards the edge of her side of the bed.
This morning, I pushed the issue about the lack of sex and intimacy. Bluntly, Jen tells me that she simply has no physical desire to be with me. No urge whatsoever. She bangs on that it isn't that she doesn't love me (she does). It isn't that she isn't attracted to me (she is). It's that she has no physical urge or desire to be intimate with me and that's that. It "stresses her out" when I push the issue so I just need to "get over it" because she has absolutely no sex drive. Then without much further discussion, she went out to get on with her day.
My way of 'getting over it' is packing my shit and leaving, as it is my belief that I deserve better.
As I'm throwing my suitcase together, I think to myself that I've provided everything for this family. I had a great job and the family wanted for nothing. As I'm mumbling and throwing my suitcase together, my youngest stepdaughter, Lexi peaks into the room. Apparently, Lexi just got home from work.
"Hi Dad. Where ya going?" Lexi asks as she peaks into the room.
"Hi Lexi, I'm leaving" I tell her.
"Duh," she responds. "Where are you going -- like you know... What trip are you going on?"
"I'm moving out," I tell her as Lexi's mood goes from playful and inquisitive to one of concern. Her face tightens up and a look of pain comes over her. As if just punched in the stomach, Lexi stumbles towards the bed and plops down between my suitcase and I.
"Why are you moving out," she asks as a tear begins to form in her eye.
"Lex, I've not been happy for a while. I'm not happy, your mom can't possibly be happy, and it's just time that I go," I tell her. "I'm not sure where I'm going yet but here seems to be a place I should not be."
The tear begins making its way from the corner of Lexi's brown, catlike eye onto her cheek.
Lexi was four when her mom and I got together. While I've treated all Jen's daughters as if they were biologically my own, Lexi and I have always been the closest. Lexi has been the only one of the three girls to call me Dad rather than Shayne. She was the only one of the three girls who was openly Urla Escort (https://www.pompaci.net/izmir/urla) affectionate with both their mother and I. She always made sure to give hugs and kisses goodbye or good night without prompting. She valued family.
She's also been the one to be more appreciative of things. The others always expected and while they were surely thankful, they did not always show their appreciation. Lexi always made sure to say please, thank you, and never really expected things to be 'handed to her.' She was also the only one who would take care of chores without needing to ask or beg. If she saw something needed done, she simply did it. She was a doer and a fixer. If someone had an issue in the house, Lexi was the first to get involved. While she was the youngest of the girls, she carried herself as if she was among the older. Her maturity and the way she stepped up to handle shit was not typical of a youngest child.
When it came to college, she did not automatically assume that we were paying for it. She planned to work her way through school and when we began talking college, she laid out her plan. When we explained we were paying for her schooling, she was quite happy. However, she continued to work, as it was important to her that she pulled weight in the equation. With this being week two of her summer break, Lexi is working 5 days a week for the summer so that she can ease off for her final two years of schooling.
"But" she begins as the tears leak out of her eye onto her cheek. I cut her off before she can speak any further.
"Lexi, this is what is best for me. You have nothing to worry about. I'll still send money so you can finish school," I tell her as the formed tears multiply and soak her face.
"You can't go," she begs me as she goes into full sob mode. I take my stepdaughter in my arms and she cries into my chest.
"It's not fair," she says as we're both crying.
"We're a family and I love us all being together. What is so bad that you need to leave?
"Do you not love us anymore?" Lexi asks as she looks up at me with a face full of tears.
"Lex," I say as I gently wipe her cheek before wiping my own.
"It's not that. I love you both very much. I love our family. It's... It's complicated."
She cuts me off, "Is it the sex thing?"
I let go of Lexi and take a step back somewhat embarrassed and very shocked that my stepdaughter knows about this and even more so that she is asking.
"Dad, if it is the sex thing. I can help" Lexi tells me as her tear filled eyes find mine.
"Huh? Wait, you'll what?" I ask as I stumble back towards the dresser.
"Dad, I know that you two don't have sex and I know it is a problem. I hear you two argue about it. Plus, Mom talks to me. She's told me some things. I told her she should do it for you but she says she can't."
"Lexi," I interrupt. "What are you trying to say? I'm confused. How exactly can you help?"
"Well, I was thinking. I don't want you to leave. Mom needs you and I need you. If you'll stay and she won't do you, I will."
Good thing I was leaning against the dresser because I think I just heard my stepdaughter offer to stand in for her mother and 'do me'. Had I not been properly supported, I may well have fallen over.
"Alexandra!" I exclaim, unsure how to take what I just heard.
"No seriously, I will" she pops back quickly as I lean on the dresser, mouth wide open in shock over what I'm hearing.
"What, am I not doable?" she asks, growing in confidence as she renders a smart, seductive smile and puffs her chest out. She KNOWS she is a beautiful girl.
She is a younger, dare I say hotter version of her mother. At 5'2"
My wife and I have been together for nearly 15 years and we've built quite a life for ourselves. We live in a nice, quiet, suburban home. We are far enough out of town so that we do have privacy and a sizable yard. However, we are not so far off the beaten path that we have to drive miles upon miles to reach any of the conveniences that town has to offer. My 'commute,' if you'd even call it that, is about 25 minutes.
Biologically, we do not have any children together. We each have children from previous marriages, however. I have a son and a daughter. They are both grown and moved on. My wife has three children, all beautiful girls. Two of the three have moved on. The eldest married and lives out of the area. Her middle daughter, Samantha (Sam for short), recently graduated from college and still lives in the area. Sam recently moved in with her boyfriend. Her youngest daughter, Alexandra or Lexi as we call her, is 19 and just finished her second year of college. Lexi comes home during break and in the summer.
My wife (Jen) went into a 'funk' of sorts when Lexi went away to college. Among other things, it has been a bit over two years since my wife and I last 'made love,' had sex, fucked, or whatever you want to call it. This is not for my lack of trying. I've taken the romantic route, I've taken the direct route, I've hinted, I've tried to set the mood.
From my standpoint, I don't get it. Sex between us used to be good, if not great. We would make love three, sometimes five times a week. Then, right around the time Lexi left for school the brakes simply locked up. I've tried talking about the sex, and I've shared my frustrations and my concerns with her. I've found it difficult, if not impossible to break through the sheet of ice that has formed around her. If I am fair, she's certainly suffering from an 'empty nest syndrome' of sorts.
I've asked Jen to seek therapy and I've even arranged for a session on her behalf. She is not receptive to therapy at all and simply believes that I just need to "deal with it."
When we talk, Jen quickly moves to drop the subject. I've told her on more than one occasion that this is something I could well leave over if we don't address or at least discuss this. At best, when she senses I'm getting closer to leaving, she will throw me what I call a 'sympathy hand job' in the most unenthusiastic way possible.
At first, she'd kiss me and 'allow' me access to her while she would take care of me with her hand. The intimacy downshifted over time. Recently, when it would happen, there was no touching or kissing. She'd pretty much throw her hand over and say, "Here it is, have at it" while sliding the rest of her further towards the edge of her side of the bed.
This morning, I pushed the issue about the lack of sex and intimacy. Bluntly, Jen tells me that she simply has no physical desire to be with me. No urge whatsoever. She bangs on that it isn't that she doesn't love me (she does). It isn't that she isn't attracted to me (she is). It's that she has no physical urge or desire to be intimate with me and that's that. It "stresses her out" when I push the issue so I just need to "get over it" because she has absolutely no sex drive. Then without much further discussion, she went out to get on with her day.
My way of 'getting over it' is packing my shit and leaving, as it is my belief that I deserve better.
As I'm throwing my suitcase together, I think to myself that I've provided everything for this family. I had a great job and the family wanted for nothing. As I'm mumbling and throwing my suitcase together, my youngest stepdaughter, Lexi peaks into the room. Apparently, Lexi just got home from work.
"Hi Dad. Where ya going?" Lexi asks as she peaks into the room.
"Hi Lexi, I'm leaving" I tell her.
"Duh," she responds. "Where are you going -- like you know... What trip are you going on?"
"I'm moving out," I tell her as Lexi's mood goes from playful and inquisitive to one of concern. Her face tightens up and a look of pain comes over her. As if just punched in the stomach, Lexi stumbles towards the bed and plops down between my suitcase and I.
"Why are you moving out," she asks as a tear begins to form in her eye.
"Lex, I've not been happy for a while. I'm not happy, your mom can't possibly be happy, and it's just time that I go," I tell her. "I'm not sure where I'm going yet but here seems to be a place I should not be."
The tear begins making its way from the corner of Lexi's brown, catlike eye onto her cheek.
Lexi was four when her mom and I got together. While I've treated all Jen's daughters as if they were biologically my own, Lexi and I have always been the closest. Lexi has been the only one of the three girls to call me Dad rather than Shayne. She was the only one of the three girls who was openly Urla Escort (https://www.pompaci.net/izmir/urla) affectionate with both their mother and I. She always made sure to give hugs and kisses goodbye or good night without prompting. She valued family.
She's also been the one to be more appreciative of things. The others always expected and while they were surely thankful, they did not always show their appreciation. Lexi always made sure to say please, thank you, and never really expected things to be 'handed to her.' She was also the only one who would take care of chores without needing to ask or beg. If she saw something needed done, she simply did it. She was a doer and a fixer. If someone had an issue in the house, Lexi was the first to get involved. While she was the youngest of the girls, she carried herself as if she was among the older. Her maturity and the way she stepped up to handle shit was not typical of a youngest child.
When it came to college, she did not automatically assume that we were paying for it. She planned to work her way through school and when we began talking college, she laid out her plan. When we explained we were paying for her schooling, she was quite happy. However, she continued to work, as it was important to her that she pulled weight in the equation. With this being week two of her summer break, Lexi is working 5 days a week for the summer so that she can ease off for her final two years of schooling.
"But" she begins as the tears leak out of her eye onto her cheek. I cut her off before she can speak any further.
"Lexi, this is what is best for me. You have nothing to worry about. I'll still send money so you can finish school," I tell her as the formed tears multiply and soak her face.
"You can't go," she begs me as she goes into full sob mode. I take my stepdaughter in my arms and she cries into my chest.
"It's not fair," she says as we're both crying.
"We're a family and I love us all being together. What is so bad that you need to leave?
"Do you not love us anymore?" Lexi asks as she looks up at me with a face full of tears.
"Lex," I say as I gently wipe her cheek before wiping my own.
"It's not that. I love you both very much. I love our family. It's... It's complicated."
She cuts me off, "Is it the sex thing?"
I let go of Lexi and take a step back somewhat embarrassed and very shocked that my stepdaughter knows about this and even more so that she is asking.
"Dad, if it is the sex thing. I can help" Lexi tells me as her tear filled eyes find mine.
"Huh? Wait, you'll what?" I ask as I stumble back towards the dresser.
"Dad, I know that you two don't have sex and I know it is a problem. I hear you two argue about it. Plus, Mom talks to me. She's told me some things. I told her she should do it for you but she says she can't."
"Lexi," I interrupt. "What are you trying to say? I'm confused. How exactly can you help?"
"Well, I was thinking. I don't want you to leave. Mom needs you and I need you. If you'll stay and she won't do you, I will."
Good thing I was leaning against the dresser because I think I just heard my stepdaughter offer to stand in for her mother and 'do me'. Had I not been properly supported, I may well have fallen over.
"Alexandra!" I exclaim, unsure how to take what I just heard.
"No seriously, I will" she pops back quickly as I lean on the dresser, mouth wide open in shock over what I'm hearing.
"What, am I not doable?" she asks, growing in confidence as she renders a smart, seductive smile and puffs her chest out. She KNOWS she is a beautiful girl.
She is a younger, dare I say hotter version of her mother. At 5'2"