Finding Comfort in my Son's Friend

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Dear DiaryMy name is Bethany Gardner and I am 55 years old. Exactly two*months ago, my husband James died. We were married for 25 years and even though the worst days have passed, I still feel empty. I try to find solace in things I once enjoyed, like sitting in my beautiful big*garden with a glass of white wine, reading his favourite books*or spending time with my son, but nothing works. I have never felt so lonely. I feel so..."Hey Ms Gardner," a familiar voice calls from behind.*Peter."Peter!*What brings you here?"*He flashes his kind, boyish smile and stands beside me, his eyes following my gaze, which is on a bumblebee circling my yellow rose bush. I like Peter. He has been my son Jack's best friend for many years*and ever since Jack's father died, Peter has visited us almost everyday. He is a wonderful young man."I had some time on my hands Ms. Gardner. I know Jack hasn't been home a lot since...you know. So I figured I'd give you company.""That's awfully kind of you, Peter."His mouth curls up at one end in that sweet grin and my stomach flutters. The truth is, I enjoy Peter's company more than ever because he resembles my sweet husband when he was twenty-years-old. bahçesehir escort He had that same kind smile, those sweet blue eyes and his hair flopped over his forehead with such delicacy. James*was a fragile man too, with a slender frame and a beautiful jaw structure. I remember in college, I would trace my fingers along his jawline in awe of the sharpness of it. Peter has the same*jawline and I've felt a pang every time I've seen him since my husband died."Are you okay?" Peter asks, and I realise I've been staring at him whilst completely lost in my thoughts."I am. I just...I miss James. You remind me of him a little.""Yeah?""Yeah."Peter turns to face me, his eyes now full of sadness. I've noticed that he has been looking at me with that same sadness for a few days now."Are you alright, my dear?" I ask, concerned to see him so upset."It's just...seeing you like this. It's so unpleasant. I wish I could bring him back. I wish there was a way I could... take your pain away. Even just for a moment.""Oh Peter!" I gasp, completely taken aback by his words.I always knew Peter was a sensitive boy. His mother and father fought a lot as he was growing up*and he would beylikdüzü bayan escort come over to spend time with James and I. He told us once that we gave him a feeling of home."Ms Gardner. Do I really remind you of him? Of James?"I sigh. "Yes.""What is it about me that reminds you of him?"I smile. "Oh Peter, everything. Just everything. James was the kindest man I had ever known. He always knew what to say in moments of darkness, and he always knew what I needed before I had to ask. He understood me. He loved me fiercely. I imagine you'd be a lot like that with your wife one day.""You mean that?" Peter asks, his eyes hopeful.I raise my hand to his warm, rosy cheek. "Oh Peter. I feel quite sad that you might not believe it."He raises his hand and places it over mine on his cheek. "Ms Gardner. You give me hope. You have always given me hope. I believe everything you say." He smiles. "It makes me happy to know that I remind you of your husband. I wish I could bring him back for you, even just for a while, just to see happiness in your eyes again. You're so lovely -- you don't deserve to be sad."Without warning, Peter steps forward and wraps his arms escort beylikdüzü around my waist, pulling me into him. At first I stiffen, my hands up against his chest as he rests his chin on the top of my*head. But suddenly, I melt, my arms sliding their way around his shoulders and clasping each other at the back. I rest my cheek against his collarbone and sigh. His body is warm and soft. We stay like that for a few minutes, his grip slowly tightening as the seconds pass.His kindness makes my eyes well up and I sniff as a tear rolls*down the side of my face,*trickling down under the front of his t-shirt. He takes a step back, holding me by the waist at arm's length. His face is full of concern."Ms Gardner?*What happened?""I need him, Peter. I need my James." The tears flow freely now."Heyyy, shh. It's okay." He says in a soothing voice. "It's going to be alright."His hands clutch tighter at my waist,*rubbing*his thumbs over my dress on either side in an attempt to comfort me. And it's working."Peter, you look so much like him. I love that you visit as often as you do, but truth be told, my heart can't take it. Every time I see you, I remember James and I feel so lonely that I can't breathe.""Do you want me to stop coming?""I never want you to stop coming. You bring me comfort. I just feel... so empty because I know you'll leave and I'll be alone," I sob.Peter leans in and kisses my forehead. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.*